shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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