she kept yelling 'call me bella'
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
