i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
