he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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