are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
