For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hello my rib-scented angel!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
