Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
