All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
