I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Randomize
