That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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