Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
