If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Even my vagina gasped.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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