So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
