Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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