Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
