i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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