Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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