i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
