...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i drank out of a bidet.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
