What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
