don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
