just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
