my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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