he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
