Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
