I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
