My brain says no but my pants say off.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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