Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My vagina is very pro this idea
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
