I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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