it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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