He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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