dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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