fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
