The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
