Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
