my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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