Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
