Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
