If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
