Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
