I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
