Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
