What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
