Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
