Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
