the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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