Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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