You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
