She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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