your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
