Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
