I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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