I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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