oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
