Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
