my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
