and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
